Five Ways to be Nicer to Yourself

Five Ways to be Nicer to Yourself + Shop Red Dresses

Today, I spent the afternoon being interviewed on the GS Nation podcast. It’s always different when the tables are turned and people are asking ME the questions. Cary and Dave both had a lot of questions about entrepreneurship and my evolution as a person. Several times we came back to the topic of self care and self love. It is absolutely vital, in my opinion, in your professional and personal life to learn how to be nicer to yourself. As we approach Valentine’s Day, I’d say it’s a crucial time to think about how we can love ourselves a little more.

I jotted down five ways you can be nicer to yourself this year. Bonus: I found some hot red dresses to shop for Valentine’s Day, whether your flying solo or booed up!

Practice the Art of Saying “No”

The nicest thing you can do for yourself is learn how to protect your time. I have my own way of saying “No” to professional and personal obligations. If it’s a professional request, I go back to what I’m good at. I understand and know how to communicate my strengths. If I am not interested in a professional project, I am sure to explain that it’s not in my expertise area and I try to have a recommendation for someone else the prospect might be able to pitch. If it’s a personal commitment I do not have time or interest in, I say so. A simple, “I’m sorry, I can’t make it,” will do. No one needs to know your business if you don’t want to share. I tell it like it is, even if I fudge a little. Self care, family, and my health comes first and I tell people I like to protect that time.

Get rid of the black and white rules

Did you set a lofty goal? Was it too high? Was it too impractical? You down on yourself now that you didn’t hit it? Yeah. I’ve been there and done that. The world isn’t black and white. Don’t make it that way. Be nicer to yourself. Set productive boundaries, not stressful goals. Otherwise, you’ll only set yourself up for negative feelings. Give yourself wiggle room. Forgive yourself. Ask others for wiggle room when you need it. Chances are, no one is going to be too concerned about it if you aren’t.

Ask if yourself if you’d talk that way to your best friend

If we find ourselves in situations where we have let ourselves down or let our friends down, it’s okay to sit with a bit of disappointment. This post isn’t about being positive all the time. If you fucked up, you fucked up. Stop and evaluate the whats and the whys. Wallow a bit. Then, forgive yourself and hype yourself back up. Don’t put yourself down. Imagine if it were your best friend. You’d say something like, “Yeah, that was stupid, you silly face. You’re still amazing. You can still do great things.” Right? Try talking to yourself like that when you need it.

Remember your mantra

Find a mantra that calms you and gives you focus. I have one. I got it etched on me permanently: “Go placidly amid the noise and haste.” It’s the first line from my grandfather’s favorite poem, “Desiderata.” It reminds be to stay calm and unaffected by the people around me. It reminds me not to absorb other people’s negative emotions. I can have empathy and offer support, but I don’t have to let their mood bring my mood down. Their problems aren’t mine (unless, of course it’s a partner or business relationship I’m equally involved in). The mantra reminds me to stay focused on me and my own energy field. It gives me more space to become a better version of myself. When I’m a better me, I can be a better contributor to the universe.

Practice forgiveness

I think I’ve said this more than once. The best way to be nicer to yourself is to learn the art of forgiveness. Remind yourself what really matters. Does your boss being upset with you really matter? Did your editor even notice you didn’t turn that story in by deadline? Will your partner remember in a week that you had to push dinner back? Will an extra dumpling totally ruin your fitness routine? Keep it real with yourself. Don’t put undo pressure where it doesn’t belong. Let yourself indulge. Let yourself have space to breathe and to live. Forget the emotion “regret” even exists. Simply move forward and do better.